| The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman |
But seriously, go get it today. Right now, if you can. It's that good.
Before Chris and I got married, I had heard so many wonderful things about The 5 Love Languages and how it can transform your relationship/marriage with your partner. Me, being the 'I don't want to be left out' kind of girl, I went to our local Lifeway Christian Bookstore and bought a copy. I decided to read it before Chris, and it was something that I had a hard time putting down. It's amazing how well Gary Chapman captures each love language and describes it in a way that you understand and say to yourself, 'that's why I/Chris have/has been acting that way!'
If you are not familiar with the book, Chapman takes 5 ways of showing love that we all desire:
1.) Words of Affirmation
2.) Acts of Service
3.) Receiving Gifts
4.) Quality Time
5.) Physical Touch
He describes what each love language means and examples of why this action shows us strong love. At the end of the book, you take a short quiz to see which love language appeals to you more and places them in order from strongest to weakest.
He also talks about a 'love bank' that we all have, in which every action either deposits or withdrawals love.
After Chris and I both read it, we shared our love languages with each other. Mine were Quality Time first, Physical Touch second. Chris's were Physical Touch, then Quality Time.
I felt like we were pretty spot-on with that outcome. I knew mine would be quality time, and I was 99.9% sure Chris's would be physical touch.
It's been about 4 months or so since we've read it, and I feel that my love language has changed a bit. Especially since I'm finally settling into the wife role.
As you can tell from the name of my blog, I am a wife, a nanny, and a dance teacher. It's a fairly full plate.
I don't handle full plates very well. At all. Just ask my poor husband, who gets to hear how I don't handle full plates well on a regular basis.
It's not the I don't love what I do! I absolutely love being a nanny and being a dance teacher, and I have been preparing myself to be a wife since I was in middle school. But adding the three together and then throwing in a dirty house just isn't always the greatest combination. At least for me, it's not.
I have found that quality time with Chris is definitely the greatest way I feel love. Last night, we grabbed some Wing Stop, sat in our living room with the TV off, and enjoyed a meal together without hearing Big Bang Theory in the background. And, of course, I love holding his hand and cuddling with him. If you're married, I'm sure you know other ways we use physical touch to show love, but I have kids that read this blog, so we'll just leave it at that.
But lately, the other three love languages have been creeping up and screaming, 'we need to be shown love too!'
The big one is Acts of Service. It has appeared like a huge defensive lineman trying to make his presence known by sacking me, and then burying me into the ground.
Okay. So maybe that was a stupid analogy. But you get the point.
Our largest fight as husband and wife came because of this language. I don't even know why I started feeling this way all of a sudden, but it made it's point that it was not going anywhere until it was met.
So what's the point of telling this long and drawn-out story? I'm getting to it, I promise.
Although The 5 Love Languages book makes one very aware of the different ways love should be met and the two that need to be met more than the others, you can't deny the ones that came in 3rd, 4th, and 5th, or they will remind you that they have been neglected for far too long.
Why should you read this book? If you're married or in a relationship, it is an eye-opener on how to love your spouse/partner even better and in ways that they desire. If you're single, it reveals how you will feel love the strongest and to become aware of how to love others. Not only can you apply this to romantic relationships, but it also works with relationships with loved ones and even friends.
To sum it up, it helps you to love others better and stronger, while understanding what fills up your 'love bank.'
Chris and I talked about it last night, and we decided that vacuuming the house and doing the dishes were no longer on my list of things to do, that he will be taking those things over until I am able to become a homemaker. It's amazing how giving up vacuuming and dishes lifted so much stress off of my shoulders, and made me fall even more in love with my husband.
Did I mention that Chris also gave me money to go shopping?
Yep, my love bank is quite full. Now time to plan on how to return the favor... ;)
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