Women Are Like Onions...

I think I am FINALLY over the awful beginnings of a sinus infection. I still don't feel awesome, but I feel so much better than I did. Just in time for me to hang out with the little man today, sure have missed him on my days off!

After babysitting for so many families, and having dozens of little girls walk into my class at dance, it's safe to say that no two children are alike.

If you have more than one child, or if you have had a group of kids in the same room with you for longer than 5 minutes, you know what I mean.

Especially with the little girls. Every little girl I have encountered is different from the next. And that doesn't change as they get older. In fact, I think it becomes even more evident how different women can be from one another.

Some women are strong, independent, 'no man-no cry' attitude who are very much career driven.

Some women are timid, very shy, non-assertive in social situations who are more than okay with taking the back seat to others who want the spotlight.

Others are funny, the life of the party, hasn't met a stranger before and probably never will. And you can't forget those who are just down-right awkward, but embrace it and love themselves for it.

Not all are this cut-and-dry, though. Probably more women than not are a mixture of two or three of these, plus other characteristics I haven't even begun to talk about yet.

Women are like onions: we have many, many layers.

Now, I cannot sit here and break down every layer of a woman. We will be here for years. But I can talk about a few of my layers, since I know myself better than any other woman out there and can be a little more transparent than just summarizing.

Side note: I think this is why the first year or two of marriage are some of the hardest. Whoever said, 'the first year is the honeymoon year,' got lucky. I have enjoyed every second of being married to Chris, but it's tough! Most of our arguments and disagreements don't stem from Chris, but from me. And it almost always has something to do with a 'layer' of me that Chris either doesn't know well or hasn't discovered.

Anyways, back to our discussion of women being like onions.

Being a woman is so very complex. There's so much to a woman's heart and spirit, that I feel like I discover something new about my own self all of the time. With each new experience, I uncover either more layers about myself, or just how thick and deep some of those layers I already knew about are. Being a woman doesn't come with a handbook, although I (and my husband) wish it did.

Since I was very young, I've been more on the sensitive side. I would cry at the drop of a hat, especially if someone else was crying. Although I've gotten a little more control over it, I still cry all of the time. At least two or three times a day I am wiping tears off of my cheeks.

I've also been a nurturer and desire nurturing in return. I want to take care of everyone, while being taken care of as well. I enjoyed baby dolls growing up, and I think that's what has inspired me to be a nanny. Also, I spent a huge part of my life at home with my mom and sisters, so that nurturing/being nurtured characteristic has come very naturally and has been encouraged for as long as I can remember.

Once I become a teenager and realized boys did not have cooties, I noticed another side of me: the hopeless romantic.

I have never been a career-driven women. There was nothing offered in high school that inspired me to commit 4+ years in college to achieve my goal. I wasn't the little girl who knew she wanted to be a school teacher or a nurse when she grew up. If anything, I wanted to be an actress, but we see how far that dream has gotten me. There was just nothing out there in the world that I wanted to be.

Except a wife and mom.

Instead of pursuing a college degree, I was pursuing a marriage license. I wanted to find the love of my life, take his last name, then make some babies.

All within a year or two of meeting.

I was an unrealistic hopeless romantic.

Once I went through high school without a date, I then figured I'd better figure out what I should do with my life in the meantime. I decided to then enroll at Augusta Tech to pursue an Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Care and Education.

That lasted all of three weeks.

I don't regret dropping out of Augusta Tech, not at all. But part of me does regret that I didn't then enroll at Augusta State University. Even if I didn't finish a degree, I would've at least had a foundation if I ever decided to go back. If I decided to go back in the future, I would have to start from scratch.

But that's okay, though! My life may be somewhere different now if I had.

Once I dropped out, I then had to find a job. That December, I got my first nannying job, watching little Miss Bella. I also became a dance teacher, a doctor's receptionist, a preschool worker at my childhood church, and babysat on the side.

All the while, still single and looking for love. But no luck.

I didn't keep a job for super long, because I wasn't happy. Nothing, with the exception of teaching dance and watching babies, satisfied what my soul desired. I desired love and to be loved. I desired to take care of and be taken care of. I desired a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me off into the sunset.

Many men came, and they all went. Some by their choice, some by mine. Most left on a bad note, a couple scarred me deeper than I ever thought imaginable. None were my Knight in Shining Armor.

At this moment, I realized just how much of a hopeless romantic I was. I always thought there was something wrong with me, though. Why didn't I desire to be a teacher or an accountant? Why were people insisting that I was wasting my intelligence by not attending college, that they were almost disappointed in me that I wasn't enrolled somewhere earning a degree? It just added fuel to the fire that was telling me I was wrong with the direction I allowed my life to go in, but why was I not driven to do and to be what they wanted me to be?

Why do I have this 'layer' of my life that makes up such a huge part of me, but I cannot shake it nor can I satisfy?

I then realized that I was not made a hopeless romantic by mistake.

I was made, with a Divine purpose, to be the way that I am. There's a reason I wanted to be swept off my feet. There's a reason that a part of me wanted so strongly to believe in love at first (or second) sight. There's a reason I desired to take care of my husband and our kids, and there's a reason I desired nothing else but that.

If I was made any other way, my life would be so very different.

If you've followed my blog any, you know that my Knight finally came, and boy, did he sweep me off my feet! I do believe it was love at second sight (this entry explains), and I fully believe he's the reason I was made to be a hopeless romantic.

I probably chased a rabbit with this entry, and hopefully I didn't lose too many people along the way, but I feel like there are others out there who have this desire and have felt this way as well, and I want to encourage those.

Nothing's wrong with you if college is not screaming your name, and you're not crazy if there's nothing you would rather do than to take care of your man and your kids. 

There's a reason, you just have to be patient to find out why.

Now that this 'layer' of mine has been met, it's, of course, altered a little bit. I'm still a hopeless romantic, but just in a different way. I'm very mushy-gushy and I absolutely love it. I am probably the girl you would see walking down the street, being a little too 'into' her man.

I don't really care, though. The rings on my left hand allows me be that way.

I also love the mushy-gushy gifts: the love notes (or texts now-a-days), the flowers, the silly little lovey-dovey things that make people gag. I probably bombard Chris with all of this a little too much (except I don't give him flowers, that would be weird...), but, once again, I don't care. It makes me happy, I know he knows that he's so deeply loved by me, and I haven't received any complaints yet.

Sounds like I need to keep 'em comin'!

Women are definitely like onions. You can't fully judge us by what we allow you to see, because there's so much more underneath that you haven't even begun to discover.

I think what made me love Chris even more was the fact that he wants to know all of the different 'layers' I have, even if some are pretty scary. His admittance to not knowing everything there is about me, but wanting and desiring to uncover as much as he can while it's just the two of us was probably one of the sweetest and most loving things I have ever heard. It's hard to choose to be vulnerable when you don't know what someone's reaction will be, but knowing that there is someone who asks you to be vulnerable so they can know you better than anyone else, and will love you unconditionally even after they discover it all, is an amazing and beautiful thing.

The baby and I met Chris for lunch today, and we had such a great time. I love moments where I can see him during the day. Even though we spend all of our free time together, I just can't get enough of my hot man!

Told ya I was a hopeless romantic :)