Discovering Myself: Part One

Well, the CSRA 'Snowmageddon'/'Snowpacolypse' is officially over.

All of the snow has pretty much melted away and life is returning to normal.

I will say, it was definitely a snow storm that will last a good while in our memories. School closed for three days locally, Atlanta in a horrible stand-still for hours upon hours without much relief, and, of course, the Northerners making fun of us for not being able to handle a 'little snow.'

Too bad extreme heat doesn't affect driving up north like snow affects driving down south.

Anyways, it is all over with now, and it is back to life as it was once before.

******

I was looking through Pinterest the other day (as I usually do every day), and I came across a list of 30 journaling prompts that help you discover more about yourself.

I thought about writing them down in a journal, kinda like it said to do, but then I thought, 'Why not put it up on my blog?'

So, I decided to dedicate the next few blogs to answering these 30 prompts in a series I would like to call...

Discovering Myself

 

No, it's not exactly the most ingenious title ever. I'm tired and can't think of anything better right now.

 

So, here we go! Diving into this little journey of finding out just who this Taryn Johns lady is :)

 

1.) Five Ways to Win Your Heart

 

This should be fun... :)

 

First Way to Win My Heart: Remembering the little things

 

When someone remembers the little things in my life, I am on Cloud 9.

 

It doesn't have to be anything major, either! Just remembering things such as I wasn't feeling well a certain day, or that I fixed my hair a little differently. It can also be remembering something I said kind of passingly, like my favorite candy or something I would like to do.

 

The little things go so much farther for me than just about anything else.

 

Second Way to Win My Heart: Chocolate

 

I feel this is pretty self-explanatory.

 

I. Love. Chocolate.

 

Third Way to Win My Heart: Surprises and Gifts from the Heart

 

Surprises and gifts, and surprises and gifts from the heart, are two totally different things. One takes time and some effort, but the other takes a lot of thought.

 

I like to think of myself as a thoughtful person. I really try to think through anything and everything. Even when it comes to gifts and surprises, I really try my best to make sure a lot of thought about the gift and/or who I am surprising goes into it.

 

I want each person/event to feel special, and I love it when it is reciprocated back towards me.

 

It is a sure-way to win my heart if you put a little extra thought and preparation into whatever it is you're doing :)

 

Fourth Way to Win My Heart: Flowers

 

Yep, I am your stereotypical, mushy-gushy, sappy girl.

 

I love getting flowers.

 

One of my favorite parts of all of my dance recitals was receiving flowers, and one of my favorite parts of planning our wedding was figuring out my bouquet.

 

I just love flowers. That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

 

Fifth Way to Win My Heart: Watching Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings

 

If I can discuss the relationship of Ron and Hermione throughout the series, or talk about how Samwise Gamgee is the reason Frodo finished his mission, you have an automatic ticket to one of the deepest places of my heart.

 

There is something about these series that I absolutely adore and will watch over and over and over again.

 

If you ever feel you may be on my bad side, recommend watching one of these movies with me. I can pretty much guarantee I will forget why I may have been upset with you in the first place.

 

******

 

So, there ya have it. My top 5 ways to my heart.

 

That was actually a lot of fun to think through!

 

If you would like to do this challenge yourself, here is the link to the picture.

 

I definitely encourage everyone to do it! Whether it be writing in a journal, typing in a Word document, or even posting it on a blog like I am, it really is very interesting to have to take a few moments to think about yourself and only yourself.

 

I forget it's okay to do that sometimes, and I'm sure there are others out there that feel that way, too.

 

I hope you tune in to the next several posts I will have on here, and please let me know if you are doing this as well! I would love to hear back from you :)

 

Goodbye 24, Hello 25!

In 2 hours and approximately 25 minutes, the rate of my car insurance will go down due to my age.

I will be 25.

And, for some odd reason, it's a lot harder to bear than when I turned 20.

I do have to say that it has not started out under the best circumstances, unfortunately, which I hope and pray it is not a sign of what is to come.

My sweet and wonderful husband has been planning my birthday weekend for quite some time. A few weeks ago, he told me to make sure I didn't plan anything for this weekend because he had a few things in store for me. Of course, being the one who loves surprises and having a weekend devoted to me, I was super excited and was more than willing to go along! I immediately asked him how I should dress, and I went shopping accordingly :)

I have looked forward to this weekend for quite sometime, and FINALLY it arrived! I had bought a new shirt and some jewelry, and even had my hair done for our dinner-date Friday night - I was going to do my best to look hott! (Let's face it, I don't have too many more birthdays where I can actually look at myself and think I'm hott, so I was going to take full advantage of it). 

When I came home after my hair appointment, Chris informs me that he isn't feeling super well; he thinks he ate something at lunch that could possibly have given him a small case of food poisoning. After I told him a few times that we could cancel and try again another night, he reassured me that he would be fine once we got to the restaurant and he had something to help settle his stomach.

Poor guy, we didn't make it to enjoying our dinner.

As soon as they delivered our food, I had them box it up so I could get him home. I could tell that he didn't fill well at all, and I was not about to make him sit with a sick stomach and his steak in front of him while I chowed down on my pork chop. 

Once we got home, he went straight to bed. 

By this time, it was 8:00pm.

I would love to be able to sit here and tell you that I was the super-understanding wife who was able to be there for him all the while holding my emotions together... But I can't, because I would be lying.

Of course, Chris was not at the root of my anger and disappointment. He couldn't help it that he became sick - I knew he would never want that to happen during our dinner together for my birthday! But I was definitely angry, and I wasn't able to hide it very well. Thank goodness he fell asleep fairly quickly, because I let a few tears flow for a little while.

He had a pretty rough night, and it wasn't looking too promising this morning. But, after some rest and some more time relaxing, he finally became his silly, crazy self, once again. He was joking around and picking at me, which is always a good sign that he's doing much better. He even went with me to the grocery store to pick up something for him to eat, and he doesn't always do that when he is feeling well. 

I thought he was on the mend.

Until tonight.

We went out to eat with his aunt and uncle this evening. Before we left, I knew, once again, he was starting to feel bad. I, once again, asked him if we should reschedule. Of course, the answer didn't change, so we went.

We really had a wonderful time! We don't get to spend much time with his aunt and uncle, who I view as my mother and father-in-law more than my...aunt and uncle-in-law? I'm guessing that's what they would be. Anyways...we had a lot of fun catching up and enjoying some delicious food. Chris looked like he would make it through the night!

Then we left.

I could tell he start to decline pretty quickly, and so did my attitude.

Once again, I would love to tell you I was the encouraging wife that completely understood this sickness was out of his control and everything was okay. 

But, once again, I would be lying.

I became angry. I was getting bitter. I felt hurt and disappointment. And I couldn't hide it at all.

I tried to convince Chris my tears were not because of him, but because of the situation; because I wanted a weekend without laundry, without cooking, without worrying about everything going on and just enjoying us.

After all, this could be my one and only birthday as a married woman. No pregnancy, no children, no pets, nothing. (No, I am not hinting towards anything, but you never know what the future holds). 

I'm sure he didn't believe me, and I know he feels bad for everything, but I do know it's not his fault. All of this was out of his control, and I get disappointed too easily.

Once we got home, he went straight to bed. At 9:15pm. 

I bawled my little eyes out once I knew he was asleep. 

I haven't been able to fully understand why I was so upset over all of this. After all, we did go to two awesome restaurants, and we did get to spend today together at the house (even if it did involve laundry and didn't involve the original plan of shopping). Why am I being such a baby about this? Why do I cry every time I think about him being ill and me being well? Why am I so angry and so hurt that things didn't go how I planned?

Randomly, it dawned on me.

I miss my husband. 

I'm angry that I don't have 100% of my husband on my birthday weekend.

I'm hurt that he has to spend more time in bed than he does in conversation with me.

I'm disappointed that this weekend wasn't about us enjoying my birthday for the first time as husband and wife, but about him getting well enough to function normally. 

I don't get to have my husband for my birthday.

'But you have him every other day! Why is this such a big deal,' you ask.

I honestly can't tell you.

But it is.

And it's awful.

I just want my husband back. I want him to be his old, amazing self again. I don't want to see him in so much discomfort, especially at a time where I've become so selfish in wanting this weekend to be about...well, honestly, me. 

I want him to stay up with me to ring in this new chapter of my life, I want to talk to him about what this year may bring for us, I want to begin 25 with my husband awake and feeling well.

And I can't.

Of course, he will be laying next to me tonight, and he will be the first one to wish me a happy birthday in the morning, but he isn't fully present right now.

It saddens me so deeply that I can't enjoy this night with my husband, but thank goodness for a new day tomorrow - which happens to officially be my birthday. Hopefully, I will get my husband back 100%, and all will be well with the world, once again.

******

I'm really sorry for this pity-party that I have just thrown myself, in which you just spent time reading. Writing (or, in this case, typing) has always been an 'outlet' of mine that has helped me overcome whatever obstacle or struggle I'm having, and hopefully there is someone out there who can relate, so they know they're not alone.

24 was definitely a year that forever changed my life, and who knows what 25 will bring. But one thing I do know, this is the first year I get to encounter with my love standing beside me every single day. 

And, according to these tears, I definitely have a man who has stolen my heart and has captivated me in every way. I could not be more thankful than that as I approach being a quarter-of-a-century old in 1 hour and 40 minutes. 

So long, 24! It was nice knowing ya :)

Losing the Cell and the Card...

Let me just start out by saying that I, Taryn Johns, am prone to lose whatever is given to me.

I'm sure anyone who knows me well is probably chuckling a little bit at the truth I just stated.

This past weekend is a prime example, for instance.

Chris and I went up to Atlanta with our great friends, Daniel and Kati, for the weekend. Daniel and Chris had gone up earlier Saturday morning for a meeting Daniel had, so Kati and I decided to come up later that afternoon.

All was going very well! Kati and I were catching up on some long-lost girl time; discussing her wedding coming up in July, talking about how crazy our men were, laughing at just random things...you know, the usual girl-talk.

Then we needed to stop at a gas station.

Before I finish my story, let me bring you up to speed on my history of misplacing everything.

I cannot tell you how many times I have lost my debit card for AT LEAST 4 hours. I had a bad tendency of putting my debit card in the back pocket of my jeans, and just completely forget about it, until I needed to pay for something. Then panic because it wasn't in my wallet.

I probably lost a year or two on my lifespan from the stress of having absolutely no idea where my debit card was.

I would like to say, though, that I have not lost one single debit/credit card in over two years! I have had to get new debit cards, but that's only because I changed my name and someone stole my card number. That doesn't count! :)

I have also lost countless pieces of jewelry, sunglasses, articles of clothing, coupon/discount cards, even some paychecks.

There is no end to what I lose!

Except my cell phone.

Don't misunderstand this, though. It does not come from a lack of trying!

I will leave my phone at almost every restaurant I go to. Sometimes I will remember I left it on the table or in the bathroom. Sometimes I won't. But it never fails; somehow it ends up back in my hands before I walk out of the door.

Until Saturday.

Which brings me back to the gas station.

Kati and I went in to use the restroom and buy a snack for the rest of our trip, since dinner would be a little while and we didn't want to stop too close to Atlanta (if you've ever driven up to Atlanta near 5:00pm, you understand what I mean).

After we both accomplished our tasks and bought our snacks, we loaded back up in our car and continued on to our destination.

About 15-20 miles later, I decided to look for my phone.

It's nowhere to be found.

Yep, you've guessed it. My luck finally ran out, and I left my iPhone 4s in the restroom.

I even remember telling myself that I need to make sure I grab it before I leave, because I knew I had dropped it on the floor.

But I didn't. I didn't remember. Not until it was too late to turn around and go back to get it.

Thank goodness the gas station worker was very nice and had my phone in his hand. He said he would hold on to it for us until we came back by the next day.

The following 20 hours were great, but a little weird. We went to Steak 'N' Shake for dinner, then to Dave and Buster's for some arcade fun Saturday night, and we topped the visit to Atlanta off with a trip to Atlantic Station on Sunday that included Which 'Wich food and H&M shopping.

All super-fun; all super-incomplete.

Everyone had their smartphone or iPad to look at and play on when we had some down time.

Except me.

I just sat there.

I honestly enjoyed not having a phone to check, but it's really awkward when everyone else around you does.

But wait! I'm not done telling you about my wonderful gift of losing things!

While we were at Dave and Buster's (if you don't know what a D&Bs is, it's a sports restaurant/bar that also has a HUGE arcade inside. AKA, the best way to get in touch with your inner child), we had an absolute blast playing games and hanging out. I did hit jackpot on a couple of games, so Chris and I racked up a little over 4000 tickets.

At D&Bs, they load your tickets onto a card, and then you are able to go into their little shop to redeem them. I must say, their prizes are actually legit. It's not the cheap toys that break the next day (although they have some that could be questionable), but things that grown people would find awesome.

Chris and I shopped around a little bit and decided to get a Duck Dynasty game, a deck of cards, and a Nerds rope. The line was long, but I decided it was worth it, so we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I feel like we waited for 20 minutes before we even became close to cashing in on our 'hard work'.

But, finally, we were only a couple transactions away from finally being able to chow down on the delicious Nerds rope that was in my hand.

I decided to go ahead and grab the card so I wouldn't hold up the line once we made it to the end.

Just like my phone, my card was nowhere to be found, either.

I lost it.

I can't even begin to tell you where I lost it at, but I definitely did.

Chris and I looked all around the shop, even outside it, just in case I dropped it somewhere between the craziness of playing and shopping.

No luck. It was gone for good.

Chris and I left empty handed that night, and I was so, so, so angry at myself.

How in the world does someone lose their phone and a ticket-claim card all within 6-7 hours from each other?!

I still have no idea where that card could be, but it is definitely not in the possession of neither Chris or I.

My hope is that a kid picked it up and spent it very wisely on candy and a marshmallow gun, but it was probably a grown man who just threw it away in the trash.

I still can't believe I was able to completely misplace and forget about my cell phone and our tickets, all in the matter of hours.

I had been doing so well in keeping up with things recently, I guess it was time to remind me that it is still an issue that I can't stop working on.

But, even with all of that, we still had a great weekend. I'm a little heartbroken that I still have not had a Nerds rope...oh well, I'm sure I can pick one up at WalMart or something.

So, lesson learned after all of this? Double-check myself and make sure I have everything I need about every 15 minutes or so. I do feel that is the only way I will be able to keep my sanity.

******

My goodness, my stomach has become a bottomless pit. I have literally eaten everything I could get my hands on, and I'm still hungry. Geez, this will not work well with my 'eating-less' goal I had set for myself.

Oh well...off to the gas station I go!

New Year, New Cook (hopefully...)

Can I just say that I wish I had known it was going to be this cold before Christmas so I could've asked for ski wear and a marshmallow jacket?

My Georgia-winter clothing is not sufficient enough to sustain me from the highs of only 45 degrees, with the wind blowing at 15 MPH. And my decorative scarves are doing nothing to keep my neck warm.

But they sure do look cute!

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about it being cold! I enjoy the cold, but only when I'm prepared to go out into it without feeling like my body hasn't turned into a human Shake Weight.

It's a good thing I'm used to this Georgia weather, or else I would go nuts trying to figure out whether I need to dress like a beach bum or like poor Randy in 'A Christmas Story.'

 

 

Oh, that kid and his inability to put his arms down cracks me up every time I watch this movie, even if I have seen it 1,000 times.

 

 

******

 

As I had mentioned before, I want to start living a healthier lifestyle in 2014. I knew there was no point to start anything until after the new year, just because I have very little self-control when it comes to Christmas goodies.

 

It is now January 16th, and there is no longer any excuse. I have got to get my butt back into shape.

 

My birthday is next Sunday (woo hoo!), and I really wanted to, at least, be a little bit smaller and a little bit darker than I was at Christmas.

 

Doesn't look like I'm going to achieve that.

 

Don't you just love having all of these glorious plans of what you're going to do to better your lifestyle, then let it all fly out the window when it comes time to actually put the plans into action?

 

I will say that I really have tried to monitor my cooking a little more. I attempt to limit how much red meat we eat, start altering little things such as buy the reduced-fat or fat-free instead of the regular, and cook more meat and veggies instead of so many casseroles.

 

Of course, I still cook casseroles, and most of them have some good ole ground beef in them. I think Chris and I would die if I stopped cooking that completely. But, I've started to become more conscious of what I'm putting into our bodies and minimizing all of the processed and not-so-healthy foods.

 

I'm kind of stuck, though.

 

Chris gave me a healthy cook book for Christmas that I really enjoy, but it's going to take some time and practice to be able to do some of those recipes. I also ordered a Cooking Light cook book, but I haven't received it yet. So, that leaves me with modifying recipes in my other cook books, and Pinterest.

 

Those don't exactly tell me what I should be cooking and how I should shop for it.

 

Especially when it comes to fish.

 

We buy the frozen, pre-packaged salmon fillets from Sam's, and we really enjoy them. I know they're not the healthiest fish out there, but I don't know whether it's better to buy other fish packaged and frozen the same way, or to buy fresh and freeze what I don't use, or if I should only buy fresh and never freeze.

 

I just don't know!

 

Growing up, we ate catfish, brim, bass, crappie, and other pond/lake fish that my family caught. My dad would skin them, cut into fillets, throw some batter on them, then into the Fry Daddy they went. Definitely not healthy, but that's pretty much the only way I ever had fish. This broiling and baking is completely new to me, and I'm a little lost.

 

Fish aside, I know chicken is great to eat (when prepared correctly), but it's not Chris's favorite. And, to be honest, I get a little burned out on it too.

 

So, what else is there? We don't exactly have to have meat every meal, but I don't really know what to cook without it. I'm also not sure about buying organic. I know it's more expensive, but is it worth it? Is some worth it, but some not? What do I need to look for and where's the best place to buy it?

 

Help!!

 

I am open to any and all suggestions, I just want to have more healthy options that I can cook on a busy schedule.

 

******

 

With my birthday coming up, I wanted to do a little kick-start to getting healthy, so Chris and I are going to do a little detox this coming week. I found it on Pinterest, so we shall see how it goes!

 

If you want to check it out for yourself, I've included our plan at the bottom. Hopefully it works well, especially since I need to get rid of all of the junk I enhaled over Christmas and New Years. It'll be nice to have my clothes fit a little better like they used to!

The Wife Title

Happy New Year!

So hard to believe that it is already 2014. Writing it for the first time last week was so weird, just like it is every year. It always takes me a good month or two to fully grasp that it is, in fact, a different year. Once again.

2013 was definitely a challenging-yet-amazing year. Definitely the most life-changing year I have faced, thus far. I not only became a wife, but I started nannying again, planned a wedding without having a clue what I was doing, moved out of my parents home, I gained many in-laws, started cooking almost-daily, I had to get used to the fact that my last name is no longer Morris (which I am still getting used to...), tried to figure out how to live with a guy, became solely responsible for laundry, all the while figuring out this new identity I have taken on when I said, 'I do.'

Becoming a wife has been a lot harder than I anticipated.

I know I say this quite often throughout all of my entries, but it's so true. And I think it'll be the same when I become a mom for the first time. Being a wife is the most rewarding 'title' I've ever had, but it has also been the most difficult.

Now, don't misunderstand me when I say difficult. Let me explain.

There are many books out there written on marriage. Countless, even. Chris and I have bought and read a couple of them, and they were really insightful. There are also a ton of blogs and advice columns that are full of 'how to's' and 'don't do's' with your marriage. And, of course, everywhere you turn, there is someone who is ready to tell you how to make your marriage successful and pass on their wisdom to the next generation.

If you want any kind of information on how to have a fruitful, Godly marriage, it's available at your finger tips.

But, even with the technology and the bookstores and the wisdom others have gained, there is nothing that can fully prepare you for what married life is actually like. Absolutely nothing.

I fully believe that God created me to be a wife and mom. From the time I was very young, that's all I ever wanted. I honestly cannot remember a time when there was something else I really wanted to do with my life. All I could ever imagine for me when I was a 'grown up' was to be a stay-at-home wife and mom.

God has placed this desire so strongly in me, so this must come easy to me, right?

Yeah...no.

There isn't a book out there that addresses the tears filling up your eyes while you're trying to figure out how to be a wife, nanny, dance teacher, sister, daughter, and a good friend all at once. There's no blog that can explain just  how frustrated you become when you walk in the door after working 12 hours to find dirty dishes in the sink that you need for cooking dinner, the closets going bare while laundry is piled high beside the washing machine, and a starving man sitting in the living room who's also worked all day with no energy to do anything either. And no one can tell you why you are getting emotional when you can't tell if you're getting serious baby fever, or you're just wanting to fill the void of being desperately needed by someone.

No one, nor anything, can fully prepare you for what taking a man's last name fully entails. It brings out feelings and emotions you've never experienced before, and it goes against everything you've been doing the past 10+ years. It requires time, dedication, determination, perseverance, communication, cooperation, faithfulness,humility tons of prayer and even some yelling to make it work. It's changing your mindset from 'taking care of me,' to 'taking care of us.' It's adjusting the way you approach absolutely everything.

It's so much more than just marrying your best friend. It's everything that begins after the honeymoon ends.

Being a wife is tough, and it's more than I anticipated it being.

But, it brings me so much more joy and fulfillment than I could've ever imagined.

There is a man, who was a complete stranger to me just over 2 years ago, that has fallen in love with me the same way I have fallen in love with him. He knows that I'm crazy, I cry constantly, I can't make up my mind, and that I'm quiet when I'm hurting, but will blow up when I hit my limit. He knows I can become overwhelmed quickly, I'm a people-pleaser, that my love of coffee and chocolate may be a little ridiculous, and that I'm crazy.

Did I mention I'm crazy?

He didn't have to love me; but he chose to.

I get to go home to someone every night, who I know is just as excited to see me as I am to see him. There is someone who wants to know how my day went, who desires for me to lean on him when I'm struggling, and who enjoys starting tickle-fights with me (you're never too old for a good tickle-fight, especially with the guy is super ticklish!). I get to say goodnight to the love of my life every night, and get to kiss him goodbye every morning. 

There's a man who wanted to give me his last name, who desires to take care of me, who wants to have kids with me, and is looking forward to growing old with me. He gave up the life of a bachelor just to become my husband. 

My husband. 

Being a wife isn't exactly the most glorious and glamourous role a woman can have, and it's definitely not the easiest, but it's the most amazing title I could've ever asked for. 

Especially once I understood what being a wife meant.

Of course, there will be days when I forgot how wonderful the title 'wife' is. I imagine it will probably be when I'm wanting to talk while Chris is watching a game, or when I'm awake at 3:00am feeding a baby while he snoozes away, but I do know that he will continue to give me butterflies anytime I'm around him, and I will always be so blessed to to have him choose me to become his help mate.

******

I promise, I will start including more recipes and other life-experiences in this blog. But, in my defense, I've only been a wife for 4 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days.

I'm still a love-stricken newlywed, and I'm going to enjoy it as long as I can :)