The Terrible World of Sinusitis

Sorry it's been a little while since I've posted last. I normally write on my blog while the little boy I nanny takes a nap, but I've had some days off, so I wanted to put the blog off for a little bit while I got caught up on everything. 

But I'm back!

In my last entry, I had mentioned that I had made our wreath we're going to use on our front door for Christmas. Here it is!

 

I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of it! There's something about making my own creations that makes me so happy.

It's also super addictive. I'm thinking about making a wreath for each door in our house. Or at least make something to put on every door. There are just so many possibilities! 

For as long as I can remember, I have had sinus problems. I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't have a stuffy nose and constant hacking during the winter. It's been such a reoccurring ordeal that I'm running out of different combinations of antibiotics to try because my body has become immune to so many. 

It never fails, I will get a sinus infection once the weather turns cold, and I will keep it (antibiotics or not) until it turns warm. Most of the time I can tolerate it with Sudafed and Alka-Seltzer gel caps, but sometimes it finally gets to the point where I have to get a prescription. Normally, I don't mind it all too much, just because it's worse at night and nobody sees me while I sleep.

Until this year.

Chris said I was 'gettin' it' the other night with my snoring. That's so embarrassing. 

I've told him so many times that if he nudges me, I'll stop snoring and go right back to sleep. But, being the sweet man he is, said I was finally sleeping so good that he didn't want to bother me. 

Still doesn't ease the embarrassing fact that I was snoring loud enough to wake him up, especially since it takes a lot more than an air horn to wake him up when he's passed out. 

(I'm assuming it would take more than an air horn. I've never woke him up with anything more than a vigorous shake and poking him in his side until he opens his eyes. I feel like he would retaliate if I set off an air horn while he's fast asleep, and I'm not sure I want to know what his mind would come up with for payback, so I'll stick with the shaking-poking method.)  

I have also woken up in the morning with my mouth wide open and drool that has been dried around the edges of my lips. I know that is not an attractive face to turn over and stare at, and I feel like if he knew that was what he was going to get to wake up to during sinus-season, he may have thought twice before he asked me to marry him. 

My poor husband. 

It doesn't matter how hard I try to sleep 'attractively' each night, I wake up looking like death x5. And that's on a night when I can actually breathe through my nose! Thank goodness he loves me enough to kiss me every morning, even though I could be Bride of Frankenstein's twin sister.

I know we have only been married for three months, and I have a feeling there will be a lot more in our future that will test just how much he loves me, but I believe this has been the peak thus far. You have to be in love with me to allow me to keep sleeping beside you every night, even though you know the not-so-great sight you will see when you wake up.

Although I miss my little guy, I am thankful for a couple of days off to tackle this sinus junk. The Lord was gracious enough to me to hold the sickness off until I had some time to get a handle on it during a break. But it is definitely kicking my butt right now.

Unfortunately, laundry and the messy house didn't get the memo. So, off to do some chores, I go. 

But not before I watch What Not to Wear and eat me some amazing soup I whipped up over the weekend. I think both of those are necessary on my path to recovery :)  While I recover, enjoy this little meme that I feel perfectly explains my entry:

 

Christmas Time is Here, Happiness and Cheer!

So...I just want to clarify something from my last entry. 

I was not saying that I wasn't going to do my thank you notes for our wedding gifts. In fact, I have already finished about half of them since I started yesterday. I think thank you notes are a great thing to do and a very sweet suggestion. It definitely lets the gift-giver know that you appreciate their willingness to help jump-start your new life, whether it be a wedding or a new baby or whatever else it is. 

What I am saying is that I wish people didn't think you are rude or unappreciative of your gift if you don't send out thank you notes. I feel some put more esteem on the thank you note they receive instead of the gift that they gave. I completely understand people wanting to know that you received their gift and that you enjoy it, but I don't understand having your feelings hurt or feeling under-appreciated if you don't receive a written thank you. 

Also, I have gifts that had no name on them or the name tag was lost. There's no way for me to thank you if I don't know who it's from. 

For anyone who ever receives a gift from Chris and I, please do not worry about sending us a thank you note. Like I mentioned in my previous entry, I know you either appreciate it or you returned it to get something that you wanted/needed instead. You can cross us off your list of who to write to :)

Anyways, moving on.

As you are probably already aware of, this is Chris and I's first Christmas together in our new house. Well, this is our first Christmas together as husband and wife also, but I feel like that doesn't change too much from our Christmas as an engaged couple. 

Except the fact that we'll be waking up the same bed on Christmas morning.

We have absolutely no Christmas decorations. At all. Whatsoever. And when I say absolutely none, I mean absolutely none.

I know there's probably some people reading this that are going through their list of all of their decorations they don't use anymore and are wondering if they are willing to part with them for me to use.

It's okay, you don't have to contemplate it! I probably wouldn't take them.

Not to be rude! But just because I'm really looking forward to building up our own Christmas collection. I'm excited about starting from scratch!

Chris and I were bored last week, so we decided to go to Target to look at some Christmas trees. 

Because of my asthma and allergies, I would rather have a fake Christmas tree than getting a real one each year. I also plan on putting the tree up during Thanksgiving break, and I feel like that's a little too long for a real tree. 

Sorry for the side note, back to the main topic.

While we were there, we decided to go ahead and figure out how we wanted our tree to look. We haven't collected any ornaments yet, so we're able to pick out the colors and the 'theme' for our big tree this year.

Can you guess what colors we went with?

If you know us well, you probably guessed red, black, and white.

You're close! It's red, black, and silver.

And it makes me really happy.

So, we got one box of ornaments and a couple boxes of clear lights, but no tree. Target employees were not hanging around long enough for us to ask about getting one of the trees, so we didn't buy one this time. 

That's it, though. That's all we have. Just ornaments and some lights.

Oh! And wrapping paper with some gift tags. I have a small addiction to wrapping paper, so I purchased that the day after Christmas last year. It's a lot cheaper then!

This past week, I decided our door needs a Christmas wreath. Christmas wreaths are ridiculously expensive, so I made ours. I went to Hobby Lobby and bought a Styrofoam circle, some yarn, a spool of wired Christmas ribbon, and small, wooden letters to spell out JOY. Everything was on sale except for the Styrofoam, but since I have the Hobby Lobby app, I was able to use a 40% coupon on the Styrofoam circle. I think I spent about $15 total on all of it.

I wrapped the yarn tightly around the Styrofoam until it was completely covered, I then pained the wooden letters and glued them on the side, and I finished it off with a bow that I tied onto the wreath. Voila! It was finished! 

The entire project took me around 2-3 hours once I finally finished it, and I think it looks really cute! It definitely beats buying one just like it for $50.

Unfortunately, I haven't taken a picture of it yet. I meant to yesterday! But then I forgot. I will take one tonight and post it on here tomorrow. It really makes me happy!

So that concludes our list of Christmas decorations. Not very long, but it's a start.

I haven't even hit on my list of Christmas gifts yet, but hopefully that's coming next week. And hopefully we'll actually buy the tree we picked out, too. 

I cannot believe Christmas is sneaking up this quickly! But I'm very excited about it. I absolutely love this time of the year, and I'm so ready to fully experience everything Thanksgiving and Christmas brings! From turkey to hot chocolate, pretty leaves to Christmas trees, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving to A Charlie Brown Christmas, I'm indulging in it all.

And loving every minute of it!

Another 'Just Being Honest' Entry...

I want to start off by saying Happy Veteran's Day to all those who have sacrificed so much for our freedom. Freedom isn't free, and I am so thankful and grateful for those who answered the call to join our military. Thank you all so very much!!

As you can tell by the title of this entry, I'm going to say something that might start up some controversy.

But I don't really care.

It's nothing bad or serious! It's not even political. It's just my opinion.

I wish thank you notes would be a thing of the past.

Now, I'm sure some of you are relieved that I'm not taking on a greater task to discuss and cause a ruckus. Some of you are probably chuckling. But some are probably about to faint and/or wanting to give me a lecture one why thank you notes are important.

No need to lecture me on this one. I know you need to do them, I just wish they would disappear.

I have to be honest and say that I haven't written a single thank you note yet for all of our wedding gifts. My original plan of what I was going to buy as our cards didn't work out, which I didn't know until a month or so ago, so I went to my back-up plan.

I ordered postcards from VistaPrint.

Little side note - I know some people have been dissatisfied with their VistaPrint orders, but I absolutely love them. I got my save the dates, wedding invitations, thank you cards for shower gifts, return address stamp, return address labels, notepad, and my thank you postcards from there. They all have turned out awesome, and they give you so many options! Groupon also has groupons for them all the time. Great stuff for a great price - you just can't beat it!

Anyways, back to my rant.

So I have my postcards and my gift list, but just no motivation to do them. It's not like it's hard! I just don't know why it's completely necessary. After all, I could care less if I get a thank you note from someone.

Not trying to be rude! But I know you appreciate the gift, or at least the thought behind it, so there's no need to spend the time and money to tell me on a piece of paper, that I will probably throw away. Life is just too busy sometimes to write them! And when I have some spare time, I really would like to spend it with my family than I would with a pen and a notebook.

Same for those who are having a baby. You're having a baby, for crying out loud! You barely have time to sleep, let alone tell me you're thankful for the pack of diapers that you opened and finished off last night! Please, take that little moment of silence you have, and just rest. Watch some grown-up TV. Fix you a nice cup of coffee, and read a book. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT write me a thank you note. I am sure you really appreciated my gift of wipes as you were tending to a blow-out, up-the-back diaper. 

Same goes for a bride. You're trying to figure out how to be wife and how to live with a man. That's a tough enough job, you don't need to throw in the worry of writing a thank you note to us in the mix. I will know that you are really enjoying the towels as you search for one on the floor where your husband has tossed it that isn't too dirty for you to use. 

As I use each of my gifts, I honestly think of those who gave it to us, and I am so very grateful. I am very thankful that they took the time to get that for us, and I am thankful that Chris and I's house is busting at its seams from the outpouring of love through each gift. 

But I think people know that. At least, I know people appreciate our gift without them ever having to tell us. And even if they don't! Even if they take it back the next day, they appreciate the fact that they get to use the money that was spent on something they didn't need/want, and get to put it towards something they do. I know we did. We were able to almost finish off our registry (which is huge!) with the gift cards and the gifts we had multiples of and took back. We even have some 'money' left over to spend on future things we may need!

All in all, I understand why a thank you note should be sent out to everyone, I just wish it wasn't frowned upon if you didn't. I wish those who put a thank you note at such a high esteem didn't think badly of you if you don't send them one. I never look for one, because I understand times are different and life is hectic. And I'm very grateful when I do get one from someone! But I think they need to go away. 

Or if someone could invent  e-thank you notes, that would be great! Like, if it could send it out in mass, but still make them personal with your words, that would be awesome. 

Don't worry, everyone. I am still going to send the thank you notes out. I just needed to vent for a little bit. 

Thanks for listening.

Our Favorite Recipes!

I've really tried to limit our eating-out to two or three meals a week. Considering that we used to eat out eight or nine times a week, that's really good for us.

It took me a little while, but I finally have a small bunch of recipes that I use and rotate through. Some more than others, but all really good.

My criteria of whether or not I attempt to make the recipe is:

1.) Meat that I normally have on hand or easy to get,
2.) The list of ingredients that I usually have in my pantry/fridge/spice cabinet,
3.) Preparation/cook time, and
4.) How many pots and pans I'm going to dirty up.

With me working full-time and Chris's uncertainty of his skills in the kitchen, trying a complicated recipe during the week just isn't practical. I don't want to spend my time after work entirely in the kitchen then bed time; I want a little time with my husband somewhere in there!

I have to admit, I keep forgetting about our crock pot. We have two of them, too! I just don't always have the meat for a crock pot on hand. I need to get better about that, though. It's so easy, there's really no excuse for me not to.

I think I'll make that my New Year's Resolution: use my crock pot more.

I'm about to brag on myself for just a bit. Don't worry, I'll come down from my high-horse in a second.

I am definitely my worst critic, but I have made some killer recipes that have even impressed me. Some I knew would be good; others I were very skeptical of that, but they turned out to be some of my favorites. Honestly, there haven't been too many that I have made that I really didn't like.

I did say 'too many,' not any.

I've made a couple of duds. They just didn't work out, at all, whatsoever. I was so hopeful of them, too! Nothing that hasn't been un-edible, but it was definitely something I didn't want to eat if I didn't have to.

I think my head would've become too big if I didn't have a failure every now and then.

I decided that I would compile all of my favorite recipes and put the links in this entry. After all, I want to share the wealth! I have put some of these dishes on here before, but they're scattered all over the place. I like to have mine close-in-hand so I don't have to search everything to find what I'm looking for, so I wanted to do that for y'all! So much easier than digging through the archives.

I hope you enjoy these recipes as much as we did!

*DINNERS*

'Healthified' Mexican Pasta Skillet - I didn't do the 'healthified' version. I just used the normal ingredients. It's expensive to use the 'healthier' stuff!

Pioneer Woman Sour Cream Noodle Bake - Chris's favorite! I've used ground chuck and ground beef (1lb instead of 1 1/4lb), and we actually prefer the beef.

Doritos Taco Bake - super easy!

Poppy Seed Chicken Casserole - don't use too much garlic like I did!

Buffalo Chicken Mac and Cheese - warning: it's definitely spicy!

Chicken and Broccoli Casserole - I used Ritz crackers instead of bread crumbs, it added more flavor!

Quick and Easy Shepherd's Pie - I use instant mashed potatoes, make sure you add plenty of salt and pepper!

Chicken Enchilada Skillet - it was okay, a little bland, but read the comments. They have great ideas to make it better!

Jolean's Cheese Potato and Smoked Sausage Casserole - love, love, LOVE!

Crock Pot Barbeque Chicken - this makes a TON! I think it's even better the next day.

*SIDES*

Corn Casserole - Chris didn't like it too much, but I did!

Weight Watchers Ranch-Roasted Red Potatoes - so very good!

*DESSERTS*

Simple Apple Cobbler - I used a can of Sprite instead of butter, and it was still delicious.

Pumpkin Pie White Hot Chocolate - the pumpkin didn't dissolve at all, and I used it straight out of the can. Probably needed to be pureed a little more.

Pumpkin Crunch Cake - I didn't use the pecans since I don't really like nuts, but I think it would've really added a lot to the dessert.

*APPETIZERS*

Cheesy Potato Fries - I used potatoes that were waaayyyy too big, so the potatoes didn't cook all the way through. Still so good!

Hot Corn Dip - Amazing. One of the best dips I've ever had.

****

I really hope you enjoy these as much as we did! And please let me know what you think!

I think it's almost time to go back through my Pinterest pages and see what else I can try out. I've got some days off coming up, so maybe it's time for me to go all and cook up something extravagant then...

We'll see :)

BTW, buying Christmas decorations for a new home is hard. When you have absolutely nothing and you need to get absolutely EVERYTHING, it's very overwhelming.

We did decide that our tree will be decorated in red, black and silver this year.

That's as far as we've gotten.

But at least it's a start!

Buffalo Chicken Mac and Cheese

November 4th: The Day That Changed My Life

Halloween was so much fun! We had a great time with the family, and our costume was a hit! I definitely think this one will go down as one of the best, and I'm already excited about next year's! But we still have Thanksgiving and Christmas to go, so not too excited yet :)



Halloween 2013

November 4th is a very special day to me.

Up until a couple of years ago, November 4th was just another day. The only significance it had was that it was three weeks from Thanksgiving and 50 days from Christmas.

But that's pretty much it.

Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal two years ago. It just happened to be the day that Chris asked me out on our first date.

It has meant so much since then.

If you haven't heard our story before, here it is:

Chris and I met in early October 2011. We were both going out with a group of mutual friends, and we were introduced to each other. I did notice that he was very hot (who wouldn't?), but I was interested in another guy hanging out with us, so I didn't think much of it. Chris actually tried to start up a conversation with me while we were out, and we talked for a little bit, but I kind of kept it short. Not on purpose! I just didn't live an interesting life to talk about and I didn't want to bore him.

At the end of the night, we all went our separate ways. The guy I was interested in didn't ask for my number, but Chris sent me a friend request on Facebook soon after, so I think that was the first sign of something stirring up.

A few weeks passed and the other guy and I diminished completely. He definitely wasn't interested and I wasn't going to pursue him. I happened to be talking to our friend Daniel at the dance studio and he mentioned something about Chris liking me. I immediately perked up and started blushing. That hot guy...likes ME?! I didn't believe it at first.

Until Florida-Georgia weekend.

I went over to Daniel's girlfriend Kati's house to watch the game, not knowing that Chris was there too. As soon as I walked in the door and saw him, my heart started skipping and I had butterflies. He was sitting on the smaller couch with another friend of ours, and I had my baby sister with me, so I sat on the opposite couch.

I couldn't focus on the game. The only thing I could focus on was the fact that I wasn't sitting beside Chris, and it felt so wrong.

I knew I was supposed to be beside him. Not because I wanted to (although I definitely did!), but because I knew that's where I belonged. Needless to say, and I was beyond jealous of our female friend sitting next to him.

Looking back on that day, it's quite comical...and quite awesome.

Chris, Daniel, Kati and I ended up going out that night to the Halloween party at a local dance hall. We looked like hot messes, but we didn't care. It was a lot of fun.

I spent the night with Kati afterwards, and Chris left kind of abruptly. We didn't get to say bye, which I was a little sad about. I thought that our time together was over, he would head back to Athens, and I would be left alone. Once again.

Thank goodness he left his sunglasses in Kati's car.

The next day, he came back to get them...and ended up staying all day. We watched a couple of movies, went a grabbed pizza, and FINALLY he put his arm around me. Towards the end of the night, he whispered in my ear, 'Hey...can I have your number?' I went to give it to him a normal voice, but he shhh-ed me and made me whisper it to him.

I knew at that moment our relationship was going to be the greatest ever.

He left that night to go back to college, we started texting immediately after he arrived in Athens, and he asked me out on a date for that Friday.

November 4th.

I tell people I knew I was going to marry him after our first date, but honestly, I knew the first time we sat beside each other.

You can say it's love at first (or second) sight.

Our first date was awkward, yet the best date ever.

He picked me up at my house around 5 or so and, unfortunately, no one was at my house to meet him.

I will say he did kiss me almost as soon as he walked in the house. Normally, I would find that a little soon. Not with him, though. It felt...right.

We drove almost the entire length of Washington Road, looking for which Mexican restaurant to stop at. We passed three or four until we finally ended up at Mi Ranchos, about thirty minutes after we left my house. It didn't bother me at all, I just felt bad that I could've gotten him there sooner without wasting so much gas. He seemed to just enjoy spending that time with me while looking, though, so that made me feel better.

We were sat outside during karaoke night after we had asked to sit inside.

Awkward moment #1.

We were then sat at a high top with two chairs that didn't match. I happened to get into the really tall chair that made me look like a giant, while Chris sat down in a normal chair that made him look pretty short.

Awkward moment #2.

I finally changed chairs so we could be at eye-level, which helped the awkward-ness, but then we realized our table was completely uneven and wobbled every time you touched it.

Awkward moment #3.

We just laughed about it. It was an interesting way to start off our first date, but knowing us now, that's so typical for our relationship.

Never a dull moment.

After dinner, we drove over to the theater to see what was playing. Nothing caught our eye, so what did we do next?

We went to The Christmas Tree Shoppe.

It. Was. Awesome.

We walked around the whole store, joking about how you can find almost anything you need at that random place.

Decorations? They got it. Detergent? You bet. An outdoor hammock? It's there. It's just the most random place ever. And we were having so much fun making fun of that fact.

Once we left there, we went back to his house to watch P.S. I Love You and Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part II. 

Both picked by him. Both made me super happy.

I don't think Chris drove me home until after 1:00am. Even then, I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to leave him. I knew that's where I needed to be, that's where I was meant to be.

With him.

Before 2011, November 4th didn't mean much. It was just another day, like the majority of the days I lived through. Nothing special.

Today, November 4th is the day that changed my life.

Twice.

Exactly a year after our first date, Chris drove us over to the Lady Antebellum Theater to exchange gifts.

I gave him a couple of shirts.

He gave me a ring.

 

 

My life was forever changed, once again, on November 4th.

To me, November 4th means just as much as August 17th. Of course, August 17th is my absolute favorite day of the year now since I became Mrs. Taryn Johns on that date. But August 17th would just be another day if it hadn't been for November 4th.

We have now been married 2 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. This time two years ago, I was hoping this is where I would be: happily married to the man of my dreams and living the life I have desired for so long. I still catch myself looking at Chris in disbelief that this is my amazing life now. I get to wake up next to him every single morning and fall asleep next to him every single night, and I can't imagine my life any other way. 

That woman I was two years ago today was struggling to find her place in the world, but was hoping Chris could help her discover it. The woman I am today is everything I would hope to be, and so much more.

I still can't believe it's been two years since our first date. It feels like it was twenty years ago; I just can't remember life without my husband anymore.

I feel like my life has re-started twice: First, when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. Second, when I knew Chris was my Knight in Shining Armor. It's just amazing to see The Lord's hand in absolutely everything, even the tiny details. If so many things had not fallen into place when it did, and if so many prayers I had prayed had been answered with a yes, I wouldn't be writing this blog about how much I love my Chris.

And November 4th would mean nothing.

So, to keep up with the giving thanks every day of November...

Day 4: I am thankful for first dates, for diamond rings, and for the man who gave me both, along with so very much more. I'm thankful for a God who knows exactly what He's doing and who graciously gave me a husband whom I get to fall even more in love with each and every day. I did nothing to deserve this life, but I am so thankful that The Lord is merciful and gave me Chris.

I could go on and on about how much I love my husband and how thankful I am for him, but I think this entry is long enough, and there's some General Tso's Chicken in the fridge that's calling my name.

Have I said before how much I love this time of year?! Yay for autumn and winter!

Happy Halloween!

It's so hard to believe that it is already Halloween. I cannot believe how fast this past year has gone! It's hard to imagine that Chris and I weren't even engaged at this point last year. We were close though!

Our two year dating and one year engagement anniversary is on November 4th, which is this coming Monday. It feels like I have known Chris for my entire life, and I honestly can't remember being single anymore. I was single a heck of a lot longer than I've been dating/engaged/married! I remember so many nights spent crying in my pillow, wondering if my Prince Charming was out there. For so long, I didn't believe he existed. I thought I'd turn into an old maid with twenty cats and eating a bunch of TV dinners.

But I was proven so wrong!

My life became much more complete when I went out with Chris for our first date on November 4th, 2011. On that day, I knew I had met my soul mate and the man I would spend the rest of my life with. On November 4th, 2012, it became official :)

This is only the second Halloween Chris and I have spent together. Last year, we carved pumpkins with some friends and dressed up to go to a local dance hall Halloween weekend. This year, we carved pumpkins for our date night and are dressing up to go to our cousins' house to hang out and eat chili while the kids go trick-or-treating. We haven't really set any traditions yet, besides carving pumpkins at some point and dressing up to do something. It makes me really excited, though, to come up with traditions for our little family.

I love the fact that we're spending the evening with family, especially since this is the first Halloween for our niece (she's actually Chris's cousin's daughter, but we're referred to as Aunt Taryn and Uncle Chris, so I consider her my niece (: ). My family used to go to a Halloween get-together with my cousins and their family, and I have so many great memories of that.

Chris and I volunteered last night at our church's Fall Family Fest. They use the youth building's parking lot to bring in a ton of inflatables and games for the kids in the community to come and have good, clean, non-scary fun. Our task was to manage the Noah's Ark inflatable that was a jump-house for the pre-schoolers. It was so sweet to see so many little ones dressed up in their cute costumes and have a blast while jumping around and being kids. It was also such a joy to see their moms and dads take such delight in watching their children laugh and play. It makes me so excited to one day be like that with our kids; to dress them up, to watch them play, to make sweet memories with them that, I hope, they remember for the rest of their lives.

I think about the different traditions I want to have with our family. I want to make Halloween a big deal; not because it's Halloween, but because I think it's an amazing opportunity to have some family-time and create so many memories with each other, especially when we have young kids. I want to make the picking out of the costumes and the searching for the perfect pumpkin a huge deal, something that we do as a family. I want the trick-or-treating and then eating the candy while watching Charlie Brown something they look forward to every year. I want to make this a sweet opportunity to pour into our kids for as long as we can. I know they will eventually find it all 'un-cool' and want to spend time with their friends instead. Thank goodness that's a looong ways away though :)

It may be two or three more Halloweens before we have a child to dress up and make traditions with. Just means two or three more Halloweens I get to spend with my love and having 'adult' traditions :) I'm excited about our costume for tonight, and I can't wait to post pictures of it!

Oh, I sure do enjoy this time of year!

The Scariness of Offering Everything

This weekend was a fairly big weekend for the Johns house!

On Friday, I became a brunette with bangs. I LOVE it!! I told Chris I was getting my hair done, but he didn't want to see it until he got home. So, I did what he asked and carried on with my house chores until he walked in the door. By his reaction when he first saw it, I think he really likes it too :)

On Saturday, we bought a car. I LOVE my car!! It's a 2012 Hyundai Sonata, and it's amazing. We bought this car with the intention of it being our family car until we outgrow it, and it lasting us until it dies. It's spacious, it has the electronic dashboard and stereo, it has XM radio, and I have awesome cup holders.

Plus, it gets 25+ MPG. I heard the choir of angels singing the Hallelujah chorus when we read the little sheet of details attached to the window and noticed that.

Needless to say, it was an awesome weekend for us and it makes me super happy.

Chris and I are now 'officially' members of Warren Baptist. I put 'officially' in quotations because we still have to make sure our letters from our previous churches are transferred over, but we've taken all of the steps we were asked to, so I consider us being members now.

We went to the worship service Sunday, although I was really wanting to lay in bed all morning. Both of us did not get into bed until 2:00am, so knowing that my alarm was going to go off at 8:15am just was not sounding great. This girl likes her sleep, and 6 1/2 hours just wasn't enough. But, Chris had a friend meeting us at the service, so we really needed to go.

I'm so glad we did, too.

Our pastor has been taking us through the book of Romans throughout this entire year in a series titled, 'Hope Rising.' It's all based on the verse Romans 15:13 -

'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.'

The past three weeks or so, we've been focusing on Romans 12. This chapter is stocked full of all kinds of amazing-yet-challenging lessons. In a nutshell, it tells us to live a life that is fully submitted and committed to God; we shouldn't live like our only concern is ourselves, our gifts did not come from anything we have done but only by the Grace given to us, and this isn't our world to find our own vengeance, but to leave vengeance to God.

Like I said, it's stuffed to the maximum of just pure awesomeness.

Once the sermon was finished, we started singing. I can't even tell you what song we were singing, and I'm not sure I can tell you a chorus or a verse from it, but I can tell you that I was distracted by a thought that overcame me from singing it.

It's really scary to tell God to have your all.

Growing up in church, hearing 'Give God your all' is nothing foreign. You are told this as early as preschool years, and it's told more in-depth as you mature throughout the ministry. It's one of the basics and basis of Christianity.

It's sung in so many worship songs. You don't become immune to it, but you get in the habit of singing it without truly thinking about it. I have been guilty of this for quite a few years now.

I was convicted of this Sunday morning.

One song we did sing Sunday that I do remember and know the words to is 'Hosanna.' It's sung by Hillsong United, and the bridge goes like this:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

 



The first four lines are pretty easy to sing. My heart needs to be healed, my eyes need to be opened, and I need to be shown how to love the un-loveable (after all, I was un-loveable when Christ called me to become His beloved). I want my heart to break for what the world doesn't care about, what the world has thrown aside.

 

It isn't hard to desire these things.

 

But that fifth line. The one that's just mixed in with the rest and kind of goes under the radar; unnoticed and rarely thought through. I stopped to think about it this time.

 

Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.

 

Not just part of me. Not just what will keep me safe. Not just what I feel like I can give.

 

Everything.

 

This includes my time, my energy, my thoughts, my actions.

 

My family.

 

My husband.

 

My life.

 

Everything.

 

Singing this line to the Lord is saying, 'I am willing to let You do whatever Your will is to advance Your kingdom. If it calls for my time, energy, thoughts and actions, I'm right there. If you need my family, I'll give it. If you want my husband, I'll let go. If you desire me, I'm Yours.'

 

This doesn't give the assurance that it won't cost us greatly. It may only cost some time out of the country, or money that we may need to pay a bill or two, or the inconvenience of changing our plans to something totally different (if you've read my previous entry, you know that giving up my ability to plan is really hard for me!).

 

But it may call for more.

 

It may call my family to go where we're not guaranteed to be protected. It may call for my husband to be away from me. It may call me to die.

 

The Lord doesn't say He will tell us what He will use us for, He just says it will advance His kingdom.

 

That is the most terrifying thought to me.

 

It's not that I don't trust the Lord! Not at all. It's the commitment of saying, 'Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.' It's an all-or-nothing deal for Him.

 

God could call us to pack up and move across the world to an unknown land full of strangers, and ask us to be missionaries to those who hate Christ. He could call us to do this after we've started a family, so we would have to take our children into this new life too. He may call us to stay home, but to use something such as an illness or a tragedy to advance His cause. He could use the death of myself or someone I love to spread His message.

 

You don't know how you will be used in His kingdom's cause when you tell God that everything you are is available to His will.

 

That's terrifying to me. Absolutely terrifying.

 

It's not so hard to offer up myself to this unknown plan, but throwing the uncertainty of how the Lord will use my family, my husband, my future children...it scares me to my core.

 

While they were playing the song that I cannot recall the name to at worship service, I started tearing up. I played it off as if my eyes were watering, but they were true tears. It dawned on me that I cannot sing the words that declare my life, EVERYTHING I am, to be the Lord's and at His mercy to use unless I am willing to be 100% committed to it. Am I able to stand before you and say that I have given the Lord everything I am for His kingdom's cause? Not entirely.

 

Being honest here!

 

I can't tell you that I have given God everything. I'm scared of what that will bring.

 

I don't feel this is entirely a trust thing for me. I trust that the Lord will do His will and it is perfect beyond measure. I trust that, whatever He has planned for me, He will see through and provide. I just don't want to have to trust Him in a way that's required when tragedy strikes, or when you're sent to a foreign land with no one to help, or when you're faced with an illness that could claim a life.

 

I don't want to have to exercise my faith and trust beyond what I can imagine.

 

That's what terrifies me the most.

 

After we left church, we went about our lives as usual. Lunch, chores, meeting up with my mom and sister for a little bit; the usual. I kind of blocked this revelation I had at church out for a little while; out-of-sight, out-of-mind deal. I didn't want to think about it, because I knew the choice I needed to make. I knew I needed to sing those words, declaring to the Lord that everything I am and have is His and He can use however he sees fit. I just didn't want to make it.

 

After blocking it out for the past couple of days, I feel like I am finally ready to seriously pray about this fear being lifted and my faith being strengthened. I still hope the Lord does not call me to test my trust and faith far beyond my comfort zone, but I am wanting to have the peace that, if He does, He is faithful and more than worthy of my trust. Besides, there's a reason my favorite verse is John 16:33:

 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

 

Life is and will be, no matter what, wonderful. Not because of anything I have said or will say, done or will do; my life is and will be wonderful because the Lord is greater than my greatest fear, and He is worthy to be praised.

 

Definitely not saying there won't be a time where I struggle and lose my sight on what is Perfect. But I can say that I am never abandoned. I am never out of His sight. I am forever His and He is forever mine.

 

After I got through my mental block on this situation and struggle of mine, I started feeling a little more at-peace. I am now able to look past the 'bad stuff' that can happen and start looking at the good that comes from giving everything over to the Lord. I've been recalling the mission trips I took to Brazil back in high school and the absolute joy I received from it, and it's got my wheels a-spinnin'...

 

Chris and I have talked about how we would like to do a short-term mission trip together. I think it may be time to start putting a little more action to that talk, especially since we're at a time in our lives where we can go without many limitations or distractions.

 

I feel like this past weekend was huge change for us. Although most of the change was for me, I think it's definitely affected us as a couple. To me, it's felt like that I finally stepped out of that young-bride, still-adjusting-to-my-new-life role into my wife role. I don't feel like the young adult I was just a few months ago, and I definitely don't look like her either. I have officially transformed into Mrs. Taryn Johns.

 

And I absolutely love it!