Lessons From the Stand-In Mom (part two)

The other day, I wrote about the lessons I have learned from being a nanny and a babysitter. I say it's from a stand-in mom, because I feel that is what I am when I watch kids. Not only am I the enforcer of the rules and the keeper of the schedule, but I try to treat each child as if they were my own. I feel like they are my own when they're left in my care.

Hopefully you have read part one, because I talk about the more serious and life-changing lessons I have uncovered. In this entry, I'm going to discuss the more comedic, silly but still awesome lessons I've learned over the last 10+ years of watching children.

So, let us continue on in our saga called:

*WHAT I'VE LEARNED WHILE ACTING LIKE A MOM*

1ST LESSON: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A BABY'S SKILL OF 'SPIT-UPS'
   
I cannot even count how many times I have been spit up on by a baby.

On the shoulder, in the lap, all over the jeans, all over the shirt, and sometimes in the face, spit-ups happen when you least expect it. And when you think they were able to contain it on themselves and their bibs, you place your hand in your hair, and realize they left you a great surprise which smells like milk that has been left in your car for three weeks during a heat wave. And it doesn't go away! It lingers on.

For hours.

As a mom, you may get the chance to shower real quick, or at least change clothes. But not when you're the nanny/babysitter! I can recall SO many times where the first thing that happened when I would arrive at their house would be a spit-up all on my shirt. And I'm not talking about a little dribble. I'm talking about my black shirt looking like it got mixed in with some heavy-duty bleach. You would think I would have learned by now to pack extra clothes!

But no. I always assume that I'm not going to get baby-bombed.

You know what they say about assuming...and I am made out to be a donkey every time it happens.

2ND LESSON: A BABY CAN PRODUCE MAN-SIZED BODILY FUNCTIONS

But seriously. They can.

The only boy/man that has lived in the same house as me before I got married was my dad. I didn't really know much about the hygiene of a guy (my dad lived with five women, so his 'guy' way of living was diluted a good bit), but I knew they had vile farts and could explode a bathroom.

So can a baby.

I have had quite a few of them pass gas, and I wondered if there was a man that was about to sneak-attack us and had Taco Bell before he came. Even little girls! It's amazing the power those little digestive systems have.

Ever heard of 'up-the-back' diaper explosions? If you haven't, you will once you watch a child long enough or have one of your own. It leaves you wondering, 'How in the heck did you produce SO MUCH when I KNOW all you had was a 4oz bottle!'

It comes out of the sides and up that back, even spills out onto you sometimes. That's always awesome to find a brown present on the jeans you just washed and have to wear all day. Once again, you would think I would prepare for the possibility, or likeliness, that this is going to happen.

But no. Not me. I'd rather walk around with the smell of a men's bathroom engulfing my nostrils.

All. Day. Long.

3RD LESSON: DIAPERS = EVIL NECCESITY

My husband and I joke that we're going to go ahead and start stocking up on diapers. We're not even planning on having a baby anytime soon, but sometimes I think it's not a bad idea.

You go through more diapers in one day than you think is even possible.

I think my record is changing 4 diapers on one child in one hour. For some reason, the child decided to drag out their bowl movement for as long as possible. Couldn't do it all at once! No, that would make it too easy for me. Gotta keep me on my toes.

Sorry for the TMI, but I know there is someone out there who is doing a little LOL-ing because they know what I'm talking about.

And just when you think you have stocked up on enough Size 3 diapers, your little one hits a growth spurt. The once well-fitting diaper is now barely covering the little buttocks, almost forming a wedgy for your poor child. Time to spend another $500 on Size 4!

I have not experienced the financial part of this situation, but I have experienced the wrestling of getting that tight diaper strapped on without cutting of the child's circulation. It's frustrating, because you don't want to waste the 100 diapers you have, but you don't want to injure the kid.

Of course, there's the reusable diaper option. I've heard it's cheaper and better for the environment since you're not throwing away diapers constantly, which makes sense.

But you have to clean them out. And after experiencing some diapers mentioned in lesson two, that's okay. I don't want to throw up. Just not worth it.

4TH LESSON: KIDS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU THINK

Having three younger sisters definitely helped prepare me for my future as a nanny/babysitter. Not only did it teach me how to take care of a child, but also to understand that a child is not dumb. Even little innocent babies know how to play you. It's the craziest thing!

Have you ever heard a baby (not a newborn) just scream? Maybe because they don't want to be held, or maybe because they don't want to go to sleep in their crib. For whatever reason it is, the just start getting loud. Immediate reaction? Get them to quiet down by whatever means it requires.

You know they're not in pain, you know they're not scared. They're just mad because they don't like what's going on. And they let you know. If you cave in to them, don't think they won't remember! They will then expect you to give in to whatever they want every time until you break that habit again. Once again, not worth going through the constant screaming to get some peace that one time you let them have their way.

And that's just the babies. Wait until they become toddlers and they can say words and form sentences. It's a whole different ballgame then.

Rule of thumb if you're nannying/babysitting: assume that, unless the parents have told you otherwise, whatever the child is telling you could be a way of them tricking you. Cannot tell you HOW many times a child has told me, 'I can eat that!' or ' Mommy let's me watch that!' and it wasn't true.

Let's just say it's been too many times.

5TH LESSON: NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON A CHILD

90% of the time, your child/the child you're watching will do something that you will then either have to clean up or have to explain to their parents/your spouse as to why it happened.

Neither scenario is fun, I promise.

Most children are mischievous little creatures who enjoy getting into trouble. Some enjoy getting YOU into trouble. Don't think this is just for the nannies and the babysitters! This is for the parents too. Your kids will try to get you into trouble. Especially the daddies. For some reason that's fun.

I feel like a lot of this one goes back to my previous entry. Sometimes it's the child getting into trouble because the parents let them, or it's a desire to get their parents' attention. But sometimes, even if you do an excellent job raising them, their little personality just can't help but to cause some havoc.

I have cleaned up baby powder, spilled drinks, thrown food, little Legos, crayons on the wall, and so much more. I have tried to mend broken figurines, broken toys, torn pages, messed-up clothing, wet bed sheets, anything and everything you can think of. Some of it were accidents, but the most part, it happened when I turned my back for two seconds. Sometimes the child was a little devious and did it because he/she knew it was wrong, but for the most part, they were exploring and I wasn't there to tell them no.

Again, whatever it was that caused you to turn your back, not worth it. Not worth the time to clean, and not worth explaining to the parents when they get home.

DON'T. TURN. YOUR BACK!

Being a nanny, a babysitter, and/or a mom is like absolutely nothing else in this world. Watching a child grow and discover right before your eyes is on of the most awe-inspiring moments you can witness. But oh boy, does that same child test your patience and the control you have on your tongue. They can make you laugh, make you cry, and make you pull your hair out all in one small conversation. But they are worth every bit of it.

Like I said previously, I'm not claiming to know everything there is about raising children. I'm not a mom (yet), nor have I had to watch kids for longer than 18 hours at a time. But you don't watch infants, toddlers, and big kids for as long as I have without picking up a thing or two about these awesome human beings.

I'm excited about Chris and I having one of these awesome human being eventually!

But not anytime soon. Sorry Mom and Dad.

Lessons From the Stand-In Mom (part one)

After a few years of nannying, I have learned quite a bit about children and raising them. At least I feel like I have.

I am not claiming that I am the know-it-all woman who can raise kids to act like the final result of a Super Nanny episode. Being a mother and being a nanny are not the same. I fully believe carrying a child for 9-10 months, then pushing them out or have them cut out of your uterus gives you a lot more qualification of choosing how to raise your child than someone whom you pay every day to make sure your child has clean pants and a full belly. But you don't spend 40+ hours a week with a baby without picking up a few things on how to be a mom and how to raise children.

I honestly cannot put in this blog everything I have learned from nannying/babysitting, but I have decided to do a two-part entry on the 5 biggest lessons I've learned. I am dedicating this small series as:

*WHAT I'VE LEARNED WHILE ACTING LIKE A MOM*

Let's be honest, that is what a nanny/babysitter does. I am the stand-in mom while she is out and about, except I get to go home at night without a screaming child.

Here's the top 5 'serious' lessons I've learned, in no particular order:

1ST LESSON: A CHILD NEEDS LIMITATIONS
       Giving a child the ability to call the shots will do that child no good in the future. The older I get, the more I want to give my future children absolutely everything I can give them. But I understand that I can't. What purpose does it serve to give my child everything they ask for, and then allow them to disrespect me when they don't? What do they learn? They learn that if they desire something, they should get it. They don't have to work for it, they don't have to earn it, they don't have to experience disappointment of being told no without throwing an attitude. They get what they want, and that's that.

Please, do our society a favor, and teach your child that life does not revolve around them.

2ND LESSON: DON'T BE YOUR CHILD'S DICTATOR
     Like I said before, a child NEEDS limitations. But there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. Your child doesn't always need to hear no.

I have kept for a family where I felt like all I said was no. That's the way the family wanted it. There were SO many limitations on this little kid, I felt awful. NO to watching his favorite show, NO to playing in this room, NO to eating this, NO to having more milk, NO to going anywhere other than the park, NO to listening to this music. Everything was NO.

I have come to understand that there are two responses to this that a child will give:
1.) Resents the parents and idolizes everything they are told NO about, or
2.) Rebels.

Unfortunately, I feel the rebellion is more common than the resenting, although neither one is a good scenario. It's just not worth it in the long run. At least I feel it isn't.

3RD LESSON: NEVER COMPARE
    If you have children, or you have babysat for multiple families, you are quick to understand that there are no two children alike. Even in the same family. They may be very similar, but they still have their differences. Not sure what the difference might be? Watch their reaction to you taking away a toy or turning off the TV. But be prepared for what their reacting might be...

Once you know that no two children are the same, you have to apply it to all aspects of a child's life: growth, milestones they achieve, attitude towards situations, responses they give, intelligence, etc.

When you always compare your child to others, especially if they are close in age, either you will place your child on a pedestal or feel your child does not measure up to others.

Neither of these are good, because they lead to destructive attitudes for your child: an attitude of entitlement, or an attitude of never measuring up. Both are destructive to your child.

4TH LESSON: BE A PARENT, BUT BE THEIR BEST FRIEND
    I've heard my parents say over and over, 'You cannot be your child's best friend, you have to be their parent.'

Whereas I believe that parenting comes way before friendship, you have to have a friendship with your child. You also can't just be the parent and raise children. You have to let your child know that you are also their friend. Not only their friend, but their best friend.

I want my children to know that, first and foremost, I am their mom and Chris is their dad. We were given the task by God to raise them to be God-fearing, discerning, caring, intelligent, courageous, very much loved young adults that will one day be on their own and be participants in society. We will not take that task lightly and jeopardize their futures by us slacking off in their up-bringing. But I also want them to know that we want them to run with us with their problems. I want our children to understand that our love is unconditional, my ear is always available to listen, my shoulder is always there to cry on, my advice is always ready to be given, and my phone is always in hand if I need to call someone else's mama.

I don't want my children to run to their friends with their problems, I want it to be me. I want to be their best friend, no matter what is going on. I, of course, understand that there will be things that my kids will not want to discuss with Chris and I. I was a kid once, I haven't forgotten about those topics that you're quite alright without bringing up to the parents. But I don't want them to feel that anything they did or need is too big or too small to talk to me about or ask me about, or that I will fly off my rocker anytime they mess up. I know I won't be the perfect parent/friend that I desire to be, but I want to strive to be as close to it as possible.

5TH LESSON: IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY FOR A CHILD TO UNDERSTAND GOD
    I don't remember a time where I didn't know what God, Jesus, The Bible, and church were. There had to be a time where I was ignorant since we are not born with this knowledge, but I must have been very young.

I have worked with kids outside of nannying and babysitting at local churches and programs. Sometimes the greatest wisdom I hear comes from the mouth of a child. There's something about being a child who has heard about The Lord in-depth (well, as in-depth as you can go with a child) that gives them wisdom beyond their years. I also feel that it, along with continued nurturing, gives them a yearning and a desire to deepen their faith as they get older. It goes beyond the 'My First Bible' and the "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep' prayer, but with conversations they have with their parents and listening to them pray. It is the parents taking an incredible interest in their children knowing more than just the song, 'Jesus Loves Me.'

I want my children to understand that Mommy and Daddy's marriage is not perfect, just as life isn't perfect, but that The Lord is perfect, and that is where our trust and our example should be. I want them to know that The Lord listens to every word they say, He never walks away, and His plan for them is perfect. I don't think our children have to be a certain age before we talk to them about their personal relationship with God.

I don't want my children to remember a time when God was not a part of their lives, and I don't want mine and Chris's lives to give them a reason to think otherwise.

***

I know all of these lessons are much easier to write out than they are to put them into action, especially coming from someone who's life has not been turned upside-down by a baby. And I'm sure someone out there is reading this and thinking, 'Just wait until you have a screaming 3 year old in Wal-Mart with all eyes staring at you, all because your child wants dog food for the Chihuahua we don't own. You'll change your tune.' You're right, I might. Doesn't mean I won't try to stick by my guns and practice what I preach. And it doesn't mean this is what I strive to be like when I become a parent.

After thinking about and writing all of my thoughts down on how to raise children, I am definitely okay with waiting to introduce a little one into this world. Although the hair bows and the bow ties are super adorable and the cute monogrammed outfits are close to irresistible, taking on the responsibility of bringing up a little boy or little girl right now is just not something Chris and I are ready to tackle. 

Yet.