The other day, I wrote about the lessons I have learned from being a nanny and a babysitter. I say it's from a stand-in mom, because I feel that is what I am when I watch kids. Not only am I the enforcer of the rules and the keeper of the schedule, but I try to treat each child as if they were my own. I feel like they are my own when they're left in my care.
Hopefully you have read part one, because I talk about the more serious and life-changing lessons I have uncovered. In this entry, I'm going to discuss the more comedic, silly but still awesome lessons I've learned over the last 10+ years of watching children.
So, let us continue on in our saga called:
*WHAT I'VE LEARNED WHILE ACTING LIKE A MOM*
1ST LESSON: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A BABY'S SKILL OF 'SPIT-UPS'
I cannot even count how many times I have been spit up on by a baby.
On the shoulder, in the lap, all over the jeans, all over the shirt, and sometimes in the face, spit-ups happen when you least expect it. And when you think they were able to contain it on themselves and their bibs, you place your hand in your hair, and realize they left you a great surprise which smells like milk that has been left in your car for three weeks during a heat wave. And it doesn't go away! It lingers on.
For hours.
As a mom, you may get the chance to shower real quick, or at least change clothes. But not when you're the nanny/babysitter! I can recall SO many times where the first thing that happened when I would arrive at their house would be a spit-up all on my shirt. And I'm not talking about a little dribble. I'm talking about my black shirt looking like it got mixed in with some heavy-duty bleach. You would think I would have learned by now to pack extra clothes!
But no. I always assume that I'm not going to get baby-bombed.
You know what they say about assuming...and I am made out to be a donkey every time it happens.
2ND LESSON: A BABY CAN PRODUCE MAN-SIZED BODILY FUNCTIONS
But seriously. They can.
The only boy/man that has lived in the same house as me before I got married was my dad. I didn't really know much about the hygiene of a guy (my dad lived with five women, so his 'guy' way of living was diluted a good bit), but I knew they had vile farts and could explode a bathroom.
So can a baby.
I have had quite a few of them pass gas, and I wondered if there was a man that was about to sneak-attack us and had Taco Bell before he came. Even little girls! It's amazing the power those little digestive systems have.
Ever heard of 'up-the-back' diaper explosions? If you haven't, you will once you watch a child long enough or have one of your own. It leaves you wondering, 'How in the heck did you produce SO MUCH when I KNOW all you had was a 4oz bottle!'
It comes out of the sides and up that back, even spills out onto you sometimes. That's always awesome to find a brown present on the jeans you just washed and have to wear all day. Once again, you would think I would prepare for the possibility, or likeliness, that this is going to happen.
But no. Not me. I'd rather walk around with the smell of a men's bathroom engulfing my nostrils.
All. Day. Long.
3RD LESSON: DIAPERS = EVIL NECCESITY
My husband and I joke that we're going to go ahead and start stocking up on diapers. We're not even planning on having a baby anytime soon, but sometimes I think it's not a bad idea.
You go through more diapers in one day than you think is even possible.
I think my record is changing 4 diapers on one child in one hour. For some reason, the child decided to drag out their bowl movement for as long as possible. Couldn't do it all at once! No, that would make it too easy for me. Gotta keep me on my toes.
Sorry for the TMI, but I know there is someone out there who is doing a little LOL-ing because they know what I'm talking about.
And just when you think you have stocked up on enough Size 3 diapers, your little one hits a growth spurt. The once well-fitting diaper is now barely covering the little buttocks, almost forming a wedgy for your poor child. Time to spend another $500 on Size 4!
I have not experienced the financial part of this situation, but I have experienced the wrestling of getting that tight diaper strapped on without cutting of the child's circulation. It's frustrating, because you don't want to waste the 100 diapers you have, but you don't want to injure the kid.
Of course, there's the reusable diaper option. I've heard it's cheaper and better for the environment since you're not throwing away diapers constantly, which makes sense.
But you have to clean them out. And after experiencing some diapers mentioned in lesson two, that's okay. I don't want to throw up. Just not worth it.
4TH LESSON: KIDS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU THINK
Having three younger sisters definitely helped prepare me for my future as a nanny/babysitter. Not only did it teach me how to take care of a child, but also to understand that a child is not dumb. Even little innocent babies know how to play you. It's the craziest thing!
Have you ever heard a baby (not a newborn) just scream? Maybe because they don't want to be held, or maybe because they don't want to go to sleep in their crib. For whatever reason it is, the just start getting loud. Immediate reaction? Get them to quiet down by whatever means it requires.
You know they're not in pain, you know they're not scared. They're just mad because they don't like what's going on. And they let you know. If you cave in to them, don't think they won't remember! They will then expect you to give in to whatever they want every time until you break that habit again. Once again, not worth going through the constant screaming to get some peace that one time you let them have their way.
And that's just the babies. Wait until they become toddlers and they can say words and form sentences. It's a whole different ballgame then.
Rule of thumb if you're nannying/babysitting: assume that, unless the parents have told you otherwise, whatever the child is telling you could be a way of them tricking you. Cannot tell you HOW many times a child has told me, 'I can eat that!' or ' Mommy let's me watch that!' and it wasn't true.
Let's just say it's been too many times.
5TH LESSON: NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON A CHILD
90% of the time, your child/the child you're watching will do something that you will then either have to clean up or have to explain to their parents/your spouse as to why it happened.
Neither scenario is fun, I promise.
Most children are mischievous little creatures who enjoy getting into trouble. Some enjoy getting YOU into trouble. Don't think this is just for the nannies and the babysitters! This is for the parents too. Your kids will try to get you into trouble. Especially the daddies. For some reason that's fun.
I feel like a lot of this one goes back to my previous entry. Sometimes it's the child getting into trouble because the parents let them, or it's a desire to get their parents' attention. But sometimes, even if you do an excellent job raising them, their little personality just can't help but to cause some havoc.
I have cleaned up baby powder, spilled drinks, thrown food, little Legos, crayons on the wall, and so much more. I have tried to mend broken figurines, broken toys, torn pages, messed-up clothing, wet bed sheets, anything and everything you can think of. Some of it were accidents, but the most part, it happened when I turned my back for two seconds. Sometimes the child was a little devious and did it because he/she knew it was wrong, but for the most part, they were exploring and I wasn't there to tell them no.
Again, whatever it was that caused you to turn your back, not worth it. Not worth the time to clean, and not worth explaining to the parents when they get home.
DON'T. TURN. YOUR BACK!
Being a nanny, a babysitter, and/or a mom is like absolutely nothing else in this world. Watching a child grow and discover right before your eyes is on of the most awe-inspiring moments you can witness. But oh boy, does that same child test your patience and the control you have on your tongue. They can make you laugh, make you cry, and make you pull your hair out all in one small conversation. But they are worth every bit of it.
Like I said previously, I'm not claiming to know everything there is about raising children. I'm not a mom (yet), nor have I had to watch kids for longer than 18 hours at a time. But you don't watch infants, toddlers, and big kids for as long as I have without picking up a thing or two about these awesome human beings.
I'm excited about Chris and I having one of these awesome human being eventually!
But not anytime soon. Sorry Mom and Dad.
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