I cannot imagine getting a call from anyone and having them tell me I lost a loved one. Especially in a tragic way. How do you handle that? How do you have the world you have been living in flip completely upside-down and shake you to your core? How do you come to terms with the fact that life is no longer the same, nor will it ever be again?
I've lost two grandfathers and a great-grandmother, plus a few great-aunts and a great-uncle. All still painful, but it's a different kind of pain. With the exception of my grandpa who died when I was 6, all of the others we knew were going to happen in the near future. They were getting older and their health was failing. Some from cancer, another from a heart attack while recovering from pneumonia, and other different instances that allows you to process the idea that they may not make it. I feel that this calls for a different grieving process and way to cope than if it's an unexpected tragedy, especially to someone young.
Yesterday, our little town of Harlem, once again, lost two young lives. A freshman in college and a senior in high school. Two precious lives gone due to an auto accident.
I see so many posts on Facebook with condolences and heavy hearts for the families of these two teenagers. It's such a huge reminder that life is all too fragile and it doesn't come with a guarantee.
I see the friends of the two teens write their last words to them on their posts, most containing a phrase such as 'Fly high' or 'Party it up with Jesus.' Some even have the family members of the two tagged in their posts. I read their posts as if I was reading it about my husband, and I can't get through it. I read it as if it was about my child, and I can't imagine it.
It's not fair.
It's not fair that a parent has to bury the child they brought into this world. It's not fair that they have to tell their child goodbye forever. It's not fair that you have to visit a gravesite to see your child. It's just not fair.
And the phrases 'RIP,' 'Fly high,' 'Party it up with Jesus,' and whatever else they put doesn't do much to ease the pain. You don't want them to Fly High, you want them to be here in your arms so you can say 'I love you' just one more time.
Too often, I take this life I've been given for granted. Way too often, I take everyone else's lives for granted.
I never want to imagine getting the call or visit that I have lost a parent, a sister, or my husband. My eyes fill with tears just even entertaining the thought of it. I don't want to think about having to face this world without them, having to go through the rest of this life without them by my side.
While I'm nannying, Long Island Medium comes on in the afternoon. I don't know if what she does is real or not, but that's not why I'm talking about it. So many of her clients have lost their spouse or their young child to accidents that they never saw coming. The wives talk about raising their children alone and not knowing if they're doing what's best for their family without the husband's guidance. The parents talk about the regrets they have and the heartache of wondering if there was something else they could've done to prevent the passing of their child.
I sit on the couch, and I listen to their stories.
And then I start crying.
What if that ends up being me? What if I find myself in that situation, where my world is shaken to the point where I don't know if I can move on? Can I survive? Can I be strong enough to wake up the next morning and face the day?
I can't tell you that I can.
Many adults have posted statuses with Bible verses and finding hope in the Lord, that His strength is what will get you through. I believe that, 1000% percent, and they are completely right. But, putting myself on the receiving end of that advice, it doesn't give me total comfort. And I think that's okay.
God understands heartache. After all, He couldn't look at His Son while He hung there on a cross. He had to turn His back on Him when the Son cried out. God had called Him to die this death, to take the sins of this world on his shoulders, and to have His Father turn away because He can't look at the evil His Son had taken on. You can't tell me that it didn't hurt God to let His Son suffer and die without Him coming to the rescue.
I don't think... No, I know God doesn't expect us to accept death right away. He doesn't expect us to understand. I'm not sure He even expects us to not question Him and become angry.
After all, we're not God.
We will never understand His ways, nor does He want us to. If we did, then what separates us from Him? But what He does want us to understand is that He is the Ultimate Comforter, the Ultimate Healer, and He can handle your pain. But only when you're ready to accept it.
Even though I know all of this, and it's not that hard to type it out or tell it to others, I can't imagine having to put this into practice. I don't want to think about a day where someone is telling me this. I don't want to have to accept the fact that this can be me at any moment of any day. Life is not promised to be lived long, it's only promised to be lived until God calls it complete.
**SPOILER ALERT**
If you've never seen Steel Magnolias, and you plan on watching it, do not watch the clip! It is a HUGE spoiler!
This is one of my favorite scenes from Steel Magnolias. I cry every single time I watch it. I cried just now! I think Sally Field does a fantastic job at showing the grieving process we go through when someone passes, especially when it's a child.
There is nothing wrong with her reaction, although I think we put a lot of pressure on God-fearing individuals to have the same response as Job: '...the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised' (Job 1:21b). We're not supposed to question why; we're just supposed to accept, to trust God, and to move on with only the memory of our loved ones.
We're humans, not machines.
My heart continues to break for the families and the friends who are dealing with the death of a young man and a young woman. My thoughts and my prayers go to all who have faced or who are facing this situation in their lives. I don't believe time heals all wounds. I believe God heals the spirit of those who finally run to Him, but the wounds never fully go away.
If you're not sure about the tragedy I am talking about, here's an article that was written for the Augusta Chronicle. Please take the time to read. It's short, but it's really good.
The little town of Harlem never fails me. They have rallied behind our football team as the Dogs are now 5-2, they have supported our school and the local businesses so faithfully, and now they're coming together to love on and walking alongside these families who are now trying to cope with this tremendous loss.
I still can't wrap my mind around what all has taken place in the last 30 hours, but I am definitely going home tonight to tell my husband how much I love him, and I'm not taking the time we get with our families for granted any longer.
You can never say I love you too much, and time is precious. Oh, how true that is.
No comments:
Post a Comment